If you are being assaulted, either physically or sexually, or are being threatened, by someone you live with, then you are a victim of domestic violence. |
Domestic Abuse
Domestic violence doesn't just affect women, it can affect men too, and the violence usually gets worse over time. There are other non-physical forms of abuse too, such as verbal abuse or attempts to control or bully you, which can also have damaging effects. There are many people who remain in violent relationships because they don't acknowledge what is happening to them. It's not easy coming to terms with the fact that your partner is violent toward you, and it's not unusual for the abused partner to minimise, or even justify what is happening to them.
It is not your fault that you are being abused. Nobody deserves to be assaulted, least of all by a partner who is supposed to be part of a caring relationship. People often blame themselves because that is what they are told by the abuser, but that is just their way of justifying what they are doing to you. You should always remember that being assaulted is wrong.
It is very easy to say that you must find help, but that is exactly what you should do. It might not be easy to talk to someone about what is happening to you, but you must. Either confide in a friend or call one of the support groups listed below to talk to someone who can offer you emotional support and also practical help.
There are refuges where you can go to escape the abuse, and you should consider moving away from the abuser, perhaps moving in with a friend or a family member.
A refuge is a safe house where people who are experiencing domestic abuse can live free from violence. If you have children, you can take them with you. Refuge addresses are confidential. There are over 400 refuges in England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland - you can choose to travel as far away from, or stay as near to your hometown as you wish. Some refuges have space for many women and children, and some refuges are small houses. Some refuges are specifically for women from particular ethnic or cultural groups and many cater for women with a range of disabilities.
You don't have to involve the police if you don't want to, although you should always remember that you can call them at any time. Whether or not the police use the criminal law against a violent person, you can use the civil law to get protection to allow you to live in safety. You can find out more from a solicitor, your local Citizens Advice Bureau or Women's Aid group.
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Statistics
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Forms of Domestic Abuse
The abuse may be physical violence but there are many other aspects of domestic abuse that are not as visible as broken bones. The hidden part is the bullying, persistent threats, belittlement, accusations, blame, fear and uncertainty. Domestic abuse can be physical, but can also be sexual, psychological/emotional and economical. Research shows that women‘s experience of domestic
abuse is likely to reflect a combination of these forms:
Physical abuse includes slapping, pushing, hitting, punching, kicking, choking, pulling hair, cutting or scratching, withholding medication, burning or stabbing, pulling out hair, attempting to drown or strangle, attempting to murder and murder itself.
Sexual abuse includes rape, using objects during intercourse against her will, forcing her to watch or engage in pornography or perform sexual acts in front of other people; forcing her to engage in any unwanted sexual act.
Psychological and/or emotional abuse is often a more subtle form of violence. It can include humiliation in front of others; telling her she is useless, stupid or ugly; telling her she is a hopeless mother/housewife; making threats against her or her children; keeping her isolated from friends
and family; preventing her from sleeping; making distorted ‘justifications‘ for the abuse to make the woman feel it is her fault and that she deserves it.
Economic/financial abuse can be a very powerful form of control. It can include denying her money for food, clothes, even rent, for herself or her children, and stealing money from her.
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Why Do Women Stay In Violent Relationships?
Many people question why women stay in violent relationships. Escape from domestic violence can at best seem difficult, at worst impossible. It is not an easy choice to give up on or stop loving someone to whom you have committed your life, or someone who is the father of your children.
Seeking help or speaking out about domestic violence is extremely difficult. In our culture, women are still regarded as responsible for the balance of family life. When things have gone wrong, women will fear that it will be seen as their fault, and will often see the failure as their own.
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